The Mediawingnuts "Retirement Program" -- and it's foolproof!

A move by the Fed, for ... me?

My retirement program is finally coming into focus. The current moves by the Fed to cut rates to a range between a quarter of one percent and absolute ZERO (negative 273.15 on the Celsius scale) show a definite trend toward ... you guessed it ... NEGATIVE INTEREST RATES!!!

I figure that by June or July when the six billion dollar State of Washington deficit forces my early retirement from teaching at the robust age of seventy-four, the Fed will have reduced its prime rate to about NEGATIVE ONE PERCENT!! Yes, it can happen!

And what does that mean?

It means that the fed will PAY ME to borrow money from the Federal Reserve! If I borrow a mere $100 million, that would earn me about $100,000 per year in tax-free interest income! Of course, I would have to carefully protect the $100 million so as to be able to pay it back upon my death, but with my brother, Richard, watching the shed in the back where I'd keep it (locked, of course--and I'd pay Richard for his efforts in protecting the shed with free room and board in the loft), the $100 million would probably be safer there than were it in Hank Paulson's vaults within the Department of the Treasury [sic].

Go, Bernanke ... GO! Let's continue to reduce those interest rates! (and FYI: Bernanke's term of office as Chairman of the Fed extends to 31 January 2010, so even Mr. Obama--should he somehow escape jail over his dealing his Senate seat to Michelle through Governor Blagojevich--won't be able to stop the rate slide through about the time I expect to be "retired.")

Not only is my retirement saved, but so will be the future of millions of other Americans patriotic enough to borrow Fed monies.

President George Bush and Chairman Ben Bernanke: You are both geniuses and my financial saviors.

Thank you!